“Very well,” Gunther says. “First, you must prove your worth by doing a series of bizarre and menial tasks.”
Gunther makes you carry a pot of beans across the room, then arm‐wrestle the janitor, then eat an entire 72‐ounce steak in one sitting. As you sit alternately rubbing your sore muscles and your distended stomach, Gunther gives you a hearty slap on the back. “Well done!” he says. “Let me introduce you to Torg, our trainer. He’ show you the basics of being a mighty, muscular, ‘mazing Seal Clubber.”
“Seal Clubber?” you ask. “But I like seals… they’re such cute little animals, especially on Easter and Christmas.”
“No,” Gunther says, “the seals here are giant, fire‐breathing, devilish beasts. If you don’t club them, they’ll eat you alive. Just let Torg give you the basics before you ask stupid questions.”
Torg takes you into the training room and teaches you the basics of weaponsmithing (as well as weaponjonesing). He also teaches you an attack technique called a “Thrust‐Smack,” which involves thrusting your seal clubbing club out and smacking an opponent with it. Which doesn’t sound revolutionary, but somehow you do it better after your lessons.
“Looks like you’re ready to go, Seal Clubber,” Torg says. “If you haven’t already, you should probably visit the Council and see if they have a quest for you.”